Surprise!

I love surprises. I love the thoughtfulness of someone who wants to surprise me, the care they take in their subterfuge. I, like practically everyone, dread unpleasant surprises. Today I got a surprise of the latter variety. It's been a long time since I've taken any sustained time off and not worked or done stuff around the house or simply been ill so it was with great anticipation that I was looking forward to some time at the beach with very dear friends of mine. I picked a time that would not overlap with their other guests (family) who had a dog that mine did not get along with and arranged everything so that there would be minimal disruption and maximum down time. Today I called and after getting directions, after everything, at the very tail end of the conversation, she drops the bomb; her family isn't leaving. I'm still so disappointed I could cry. I love her family and and I love her but not giving me that information until the very last minute was wrong. I was looking forward to some down time, now I will be after my dog the entire time (which won't be fun for her), tense for some dog fight that will be unpleasant for everyone. I don't know how long she's known about this but I'm sure she's not been in a hurry to tell me. So now her difficult task is mine, do I go and make everyone else miserable and tense or do I stay and disappoint her? I feel like I'm essentially asking her to chose me or her family which isn't the case--not even a little bit. The issue is that I made decisions and plans based on circumstances that are no longer applicable. I hope she'll forgive me but I just don't want to do this, it's just too much at a time when I don't want anything else.

So I'm thinking, would a lie be better here than the truth? Lies are harder and I don't care for them, perhaps because I don't do it very well. But the truth here seems to serve me more than it serves her. If I tell her something came up at work then she'll likely suspect that I'm lying and that will chip away at the trust of a person who doesn't extend it easily. But if I tell her the truth, it will hurt her and that too, could erode some of the trust of our relationship. I don't know what to do.

One thing is for sure--I've got to get out of here, away from it all for a little time. I had been okay knowing that a break was coming but with the break I thought was coming off the table, it will wither me to press on.

Stories Chapter 2: Jonathan

Jonathan approached me today while I was out walking my dog. Jonathan is homeless with a self-reported "history of addiction" and he walked with me for a half hour this morning, finally leaving, mumbling and cursing a little after I gently told him that it would be disrespectful to my boyfriend if I were to go on a date with him that afternoon at 4 o'clock. At first he understood but then he came back at me explaining that if he had a daughter who was dating someone who had not "put a ring on her finger," then she would be free to see anyone she wanted until her boyfriend committed to her. Then he provided another scenario wherein my boyfriend comes to me after I've wasted 5 years of my life with him and tells me he met someone else--another reason why I should forget the boyfriend and come on a date with him.

I saw another dog in the area and went to say hello as he had a large out of control yellow lab and I was looking to shake Jonathan so I could go home without him accompanying me there. Now, I know I'm a little worse for wear in the morning and I'm certainly not dressed to impress but I think this a-hole thought we were together and abruptly announced that he had to leave and left me with Jonathan. The more I think about it, the more pissed I become. It gets worse every time I think about it. There's no assumption that he could have made that I wouldn't take exception to. Jonathan and I together, trying to scam him or ask him for money; pissed. Me hopelessly trying to shake a strange man and him not wanting to get involved; unacceptable and I'm pissed. I want to buy and sell the bastard for assuming that we were together. I want to buy new clothes so Jonathan doesn't think I'd be interested in where to get free coffee (and possibly free doughnuts) on Saturdays at 8 am (AA meeting). I don't take it personally if Jonathan thought I was homeless--I actually don't think he did, he was a little addled, he asked my name several times (of course I didn't give him a real name) and was in a disjointed stream of consciousness mode our entire walk. He was very unhappy with my boyfriend's lack of commitment, alternately loved animals and then talked about killing them, and just unpredictable enough to be slightly worrisome.

To her great credit and innate intelligence my wonder dog remained vaguely sinister, providing Jonathan no clues as to whether she would bite him or lean into him for some loving. I'm convinced she knew I was ill at ease. At one point during our walk, Jonathan complimented my teeth in a way that suggested he was surprised that they were nice (or there at all). Weird (and a first) but it lends support to my theory that perhaps he was trying to hook up with the new homeless girl. I thought what I was wearing was practical if unflattering but my jokes about how I look in the morning are quite ironic in light of today's events.