More Open Letters

Dear Dominoes,

I'm glad to see you taking on your critics so directly and so honestly and working to improve your product. I understand from your new ad campaign that you have been revisiting your critics to give them an opportunity to change their mind about your pizza. Recent commercials suggest though that you've upped the ante considerably. If an ex-boyfriend rented an airplane to fly a banner asking me to try him again or ambushed me at my home with cameras present, I would have no problem getting a restraining order.

Just how honest do you expect people to be when you confront them at their front door and make them eat a pizza in front of a camera? Why not just send them a box of pizza with a hidden camera in it to get an honest reaction? It's probably illegal but I suspect you're teeter-tottering on the edges of the law as is with your airplane banners and ambushes. Just wanted to let you know your ad campaign has actually discouraged me from trying the new Dominoes. My feeling is that if I try it and don't like it, I'm never going to be able to shake you and you will then have my address. I can't have that.

Dear Anyone who conveys devastating news via text message,

Seriously? I know when you get bad news, you usually don't want to talk to a bunch of people but learning that my grandmother was dying via text message kind of knocked the wind out of me. Text messages don't have subject lines like 'bad news' or 'update on grandma' so when I open them, it's like getting socked in the face when you choose it as a medium to convey terrible news. Phone tree, e-mail--anything but a text message.

To the makers of Fiber One,

It's not just you, a lot of commercials are doing this lately but you've been getting a lot of air time lately so this one's for you.

Stop fucking interrupting people when they are talking. It's really, really irritating. Really. It's bad enough you are lurking in the cereal aisle. It's bad enough the poor sap needs to buy Fiber One. They have probably been having some tough mornings. The least you can do is let them be incredulous and finish a sentence without your assistance.

Dear Movie Trailer Makers,

Thank you for ruining almost every movie I had any plans to see. If I haven't heard all the best lines or figured out how it ends before I see it, you get your punch in when I'm actually watching the movie and I recognize all the clues you've left me in the trailer long before I should.