When I was in college my birthday twin and I briefly flirted with actually being friends instead of metaphysically connected acquaintances. Part of the reason that experiment failed was I could never reach her. I felt always like I was chasing her and there was limited room in her life for me. That is still the case, she rarely picks up when I call and averages 6 months to a year on returning any calls. I'm largely over the tangential orbit I occupy in her life but something passive aggressive rises up in me from time to time. Like her text message yesterday regarding my lack of RSVP for her wedding. Haven't answered it, not sure when I will, not yet sure I am even attending the wedding. This will of course return to me in spades when/if I get married but it's not at all about the RSVP. It's about feeling like I'm carrying what little relationship we have, that I serve at her pleasure. Everyone knows someone that calls them more than they want to talk to them. I bristle if I suspect someone is screening their calls and I don't make the cut. This doesn't bother me with most people, just some and usually only if it become a consistent thing where we can't seem to link up and their attention is usually divided when we talk. Then I get moody and wonder why we are friends if I have to be squeezed in like a walk-in appointment. Then I don't want to talk to them at all. Don't do me any favors.
I'm a little moody today.
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