It seemed like a good idea at the time

Doesn't it always? Spontaneity, act first, think later, unleash the possibility, invite that encounter, carpe diem, Robin Williams. The hormone fueled cloud brewing overhead would suggest this weekend was a lesson in leaving that day unseized, that whatever is out there isn't necessarily a fated encounter, it could be anticlimactically like the life you fled. That discovery has its own value and impact though not nearly as magical and interesting one as meeting a handsome stranger on the train which would definitely have felt like a reward for breaking set with my normal routine. Instead I missed every scheduled departure, wondered if I did want the trappings of adult life or responsibility for other human beings and took pictures of the moon against the New York City skyline at sunrise.

I was fine with how I spent my time, however unravelled, until I walked into my front door. Sarah Palin's voice greeted me from the television which upset and irritated me in ways given the arc of her exposure lately, will likely provoke a dedicated post. The washer was going which annoyed me. I do both my and Ashley's laundry because I don't trust her with the machine it reminded me that I needed to buy detergent which I was sure she had used copious amounts of in the wrong slots. Then I walked into the kitchen and it was terrible. In addition to the mess, there was the phenom that occurs every single time I leave the house-she cleans me out. Eats every damn thing. It's insane. I left the house near 5 yesterday, returned at 7 today. Just over 24 hours of opportunity, much of which is usually dedicated to sleeping. I have seen her for the first time in a day at 3pm during the weekend. It's like when she knows I'm not going to be around overnight she just goes for broke. In my imagination, I see her locking the door, unhitching her jaw, and just eating until she passes out reviving only to begin consumption anew. Grinds my gears, it does.

She was out walking the dog when I arrived home so I took in the scene, said aloud, 'I need her gone,' changed the channel, and got in the shower, hoping to avoid seeing her while I was in the wrong frame of mind to deal. She came in while I was in the shower, when I got out, she asked me if I had eaten, I told her over the wall that I wasn't feeling well and was going to bed, and she promptly went into the kitchen to put away the dishwasher dishes and clean out the sink. She knows. I know I would not have been as bent if I had not made an effort to have a different kind of weekend and had not encountered so many obstacles in trying to do the same. It's a very frustrating feeling soon to be displaced by whatever this week has in store for me. Still, I did try, right?

That's what I get for trying.