What we want

You know what's hard for me to do? Move with a sense of purpose towards the unknown. That's probably hard for everyone. It's probably how we stay working at the same place for x number of years or in the same not going anywhere relationship long past expiration. I have met one person that seems to move quickly out of situations but theirs is a different story. Either they are really good at quickly figuring out what doesn't work for them or they don't give anything enough time to settle. I've never met a person who can get a resume together faster. I gave serious consideration to quitting 7 years ago and never even got a resume drafted. Truth is, I'm kind of lazy when it comes to things I'm ambivalent about. What's keeping me largely rooted in my current job is the lack of clarity on what I'd be doing instead. I strongly suspect the thing I hate most about any job I could possibly have is actually having to show up regularly. So if that's my rub and pretty much every job requires me to be present even when I don't feel like it, I can't really see an upside to learning anew where to park and where the bathrooms are.

It was a little more complicated when I left the military but it would be accurate to use that word, 'left.' I wasn't going towards anything, I was just leaving where I'd been. A lot of events conspired to bring me to that decision point but I wondered how long I would stay since almost the very beginning. So I wonder if it will be that way with this job. Will I once again be in a position where it doesn't seem to matter what I do next. I don't know. I feel very lucky. I've worked for the best man I will probably ever work for right out of college. I've survived a whole host of adequate/mediocre to terrible bosses since. Bosses who outright threatened people, bosses who harassed, clueless bosses, persnickety bosses. I've survived them. I have never left a job feeling inadequate, even if I started that way (which I usually do). I just feel done and restless for new bullshit to put up with.

But if you do feel inadequate, neglected and abused, it's hard for me to understand why you would keep inviting another boot to the head. To prove you can take the licks? To come back when it looks like you can't stand and deliver a knockout? To pay penance? I know I will want to be in the corner to commiserate with all the cheap shots not being called by the ref, with the ice pack to take down the swelling, but I really really wish I think, that you would stop boxing. What does an expert marksman need with boxing gloves anyway? What does a football player need with nothing but net? A perfectly good football player tortured with his poor basketball record. What a waste. Not saying we don't all have a little Bo in us; we want to be just as good a baseball player as we are a basketball player. Just hate to see a season wasted watching someone try to be great at something they don't even like. But I understand that sometimes you just need something to move towards.