So unoriginal

When a guy doesn't text me back, doesn't write me back, doesn't call me back, I know, I'm not enough.  Pretty enough, sexy enough, thin enough, funny enough, not enough of something because there is a type of woman that every guy would jump through hoops to be with and I've never been that woman.  And you know, I would trade being any of those women, sexy, beautiful, for just being a confident woman.  It hurts to be treated poorly but even more to allow myself to be treated poorly, to debate accepting it as a condition of being accepted.  To consider that I'm not all that great after all, so am I really in a position to insist on courtesy or consideration?  I mean, I am human and perhaps that is what we should be to everyone, but is it weird that I think that's something that should happen with a guy who wants to sleep with me?  With a guy who wants to say we're friends?  It confuses me when I even find myself entertaining these thoughts.  This is when the wisdom of Lodo is particularly apt; 'Fuck everyone, all the time.'

Men are an antidote to men.

My best friend

We are now circling back to anniversaries of the past year, which was especially tough by most standards.  It seemed that a lot of what I looked to for security, health, contentment/complacency, or love/companionship was shaken or taken with a level of intensity that seemed very personal if the universe can be accused of such a thing.  It was a ravaging year.  I still miss her intensely.  I'm glad I can see her in this space that finally looks like a home; sitting near the back door waiting for errant dear and rabbit to molest with her barking, sitting in her yard on a hot day, catching smells with her nose, staring inside the house like a creepy boyfriend trying to determine where I was, knocking open the bathroom door to check on me and then flopping on the tile floor to keep me company while I was in there.  Animals are far better companions than people.  They are a chore but they are worth it.  They give far more than they require.  The accept you as is, their agenda is wholly transparent, and they bring untiring joy.  Every day I found joy or comfort in her.  Just watching her sleep, or the noise she made when you got that ear rub just right...  I marveled in how I never tired of her.  I didn't know I could love like that.  Every single day she made me laugh or smile.  No human has a track record like that.