I admire on some level women who for whatever reason have no problem propositioning men. My dog has no problem with this (see photo above). She's on her back in a flash. My father thinks it is vulgar when she splays out like that, soliciting a belly rub. There are times when I wish I could get outside myself enough to at least have the satisfaction of seeing the look on the face of a guy who has just been offered outright the very thing he would spend the night trying to gauge the probability of. I'm fascinated by our drives to couple and in awe of chemistry in general but have become fascinated with it as I realize a very real difference in how my chemistry works as I age. I imagine it is my body pleading with me in the only way it knows how to have children regardless of my intellectual ambivalence.
I've been thinking too of a world where people randomly rubbed, touched, and complimented each other like they do my dog. A nice looking guy walked toward us yesterday and as he passed, he stooped down to stroke my dog. Never looked at me but walked by me with a big smile of his face. I swear there would be less violence and random misery if there was a way we could do that for one another. I would be feeling down and I would just take a walk and someone would scratch behind my ear, tell me I'm beautiful and well behaved, and then walk on.
Some people randomly hook up to pass the time while searching for someone else. I am inclined to wait, eschewing the entanglement of something that doesn't seem to have any legs but will probably make me at least a little miserable when it ends. Sometimes though, I just want someone to touch me and tell me I'm beautiful.
3 comments:
I've never been an adult dog owner, so I never really thought of it from the other point of view...I am totally guilty of admiring/petting/complimenting dogs and ignoring their owners! Well, I try to make eye contact first to see if they are OK with my petting their dog. Sometimes I ask what the dog's name is. But basically 95% of the attention is paid directly to the pooch.
I think a lot of it can probably be explained by fear of rejection. It's hard to exchange compliments with members of the opposite sex without it sounding like flirting. Dogs, on the other hand, are usually a safe bet.
Getting touched is definitely a need, like eating food and soaking up sunshine. I'm sure you've read all those studies of babies in orphanages getting sick and dying more often simply from lack of affection--I don't believe that we can be our happiest without that, even if we can learn to get by without it.
Some advice my mom gave me when I was (ill-advisedly, as it turned out) doing the long-distance thing for a while: there's nothing wrong with indulging in a massage however often you can afford it--always money well spent, in my opinion.
The more we live in a world that's detached from what we've been genetically designed to be and do, the more we run into these issues. The world's always been harder for women than men; but of course its all your (women's) fault. As Bob Marley famously sang "No woman, No Cry." Ain't that the truth! We wouldn't be here if it wasnt for that drive to breed you're talking about. But if its any consolation, Im convinced that 85% of the world is either miserable, terrified, or bored out of its mind.
Tamara: funny you should mention massage as I have been twice in the past couple of months. The last time hurt so good, I was sore for a week. It is definitely an indulgence and I will be forever grateful to my best friend for buying my first one. As soon as this blasted boot is off, I shall return to yoga too both for the calming and the touch.
Lodo: you didn't have to take the apple. You could have put your foot down. If even 50% of the world is bored, miserable, or terrified, it makes me a little sad because we could all be such great company to one another and instead we hoard all that sadness for ourselves.
It is fascinating to me how the sexes firmly believe the other is in control and makes the go/no-go decisions about the relationship. I don't think the post above is a symptom of the world we live in as much as it is a symptom of just being me. We all have a core need for affection and acceptance and we all find a different way to pursue attainment of it. It's funny to me how no matter what we do, when we aren't with someone we really care for, we all feel pretty much the same.
Post a Comment