Wondering

So I'm wondering what this night should be. Should it be me and you talking till the wee hours of the morning, each of us framing out a fantasy, making it harder and harder to ever have anything real? Perhaps a pair of candy apple red pumps, a clutch, and the intent to do something irresponsible. Thrilling to consider but more fun to wonder what could happen than to know. Or I could just stay here and wait for you to come.

I just got back from keeping OG company while she's under the weather. She's in the throes of guy related angst and so naturally there was talk of exes and unrequited affection. A far more banal and less witty version of High Fidelity, if you will. I talk about my guy just to have something to talk about. It was all so long ago that there is no more emotion attached to it and it feels strangely false to trot it out as the 'guy who broke my heart' story. But you can't empathize and commiserate with your girlfriends if you don't have a guy story to share even if you know that all it will do is kind of fuck up your head for a day or so because you raised the dead. Even if you wouldn't have them if they worshiped you and gave you the world, conjuring the memory of a past relationship just makes the house seem quieter and lonelier when you get home.



But then this one starts sleep wagging her tail or barking in her sleep and there's no room for all those thoughts. I think she knows when I need these ghosts chased away.