Darn you, gratitude

So more bad news today. I didn't get a job I was really counting on. I called my mom to let her know and she said, "You're such a smart girl and I'm just so proud of you, I know whatever you do, you'll find something good."

A mother's praise is the fuel of champions.

I was just so grateful that she was alive and that I'm close to my parents. I really never considered myself close to them before recently. We really don't go out of our way to spend time together or do family things. I asked what they were doing for Easter and it never once occurred to them that I should drive down and we should celebrate. But we talk several times a week. Later my dad called with my mom in the background on speaker to check on me and tell me he was sorry I didn't get the job and also to caution me against hasty moves in an unstable job market. My mother is always cold and supplements the heat in the rooms she hangs out in with portable radiators. The rooms are insufferably hot and my father can only hang out so long before dehydrated and sweating, he seeks cooler climes. Tonight as he conceded to the room and told me he was leaving, he said my mom had on panda pants with one leg hiked up as a concession to the extreme heat in the room. They were pajamas with a panda print but calling them panda pants...you just had to be there. My dad is hilarious. We talked for an hour about nothing and everything and I realized while most women recognize at some point they are becoming their mother, I am becoming my father. And we both agree it's not a great thing. We talk through it sometimes, on how I'm dealing with being like him. He'll tell me not to be like him like I have a choice and then I tell him all the ways I'm trying to have a more balanced life than his. I'm enjoying this stage of our relationship. And though I'm all set to pout about this latest blow, I can't help but be grateful for them and grateful in general.

Also, it's not just young Indian guys into me now. It's really, really young black men. Like 21. Eek. They were 6 when I graduated from college. They are still tender hearted and all set to get their heart broken for the first time. I feel like someone just handed me a wiggly newborn puppy.