Wednesday, March 17, 2010
I'm out
I'd like to think I'm a long suffering person, a steady co-worker and friend, the kind of person who is in it for the long haul. But you know what? I'm not sure I'm that person. Today might have been the day. The day I mentally packed up and quietly left this job. I've tossed and turned, wondered if I would have a career, what I should do, how competitive I would be with everyone with their advanced degrees, and then settled down, collected my paycheck and lived to grouse and grumble another day. But in today's theater of absurdity and insult, I felt something give way and now I'm exploring options. I've already shot off my first e-mail inquiring about jobs. It feels good but one thing troubles me. I'm concerned I might be running away. Because I think that might be what I do. Not running away afraid, turning away and rejecting. I did that with my first job. I knew within a year I wouldn't be there for 20 but I kicked in for 3 more years just to be sure, looking for a way I could contribute in a way that interested me. I had all sorts of complaints and concerns along the way but when I wasn't accepted for a program I should have been picked up for, that was it. Peace out, kiss my ass. When I interviewed for the job I have now, they asked me how I would feel if I wasn't selected and I told them I would be fine because if they had any doubt about whether it was going to be a good fit, I hoped they wouldn't hire me. And here I am almost 7 years later and I think today might have been the day that I stopped wondering whether I would stay and started planning how I would go. I'd like to think I'm courageously pulling up root to make my way to where I belong but I might just be jumping at the empty promise of greener pastures.
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5 comments:
that's a tough call and one you can't really be sure of until after you've done it.
if you've checked out then that's a sign it's time to move on to a new adventure or challenge.
good luck.
Good for you! I say go for it. If you're unhappy in your current job, or if you just feel like you've "outgrown" it, do yourself a favor and find something that's better suited to who you are now!
That's just my two cents. I'm a chronic job changer. I had some of the same ambivalent feelings you did last year (when I had 4 different jobs). Then I realized that I really had learned valuable things from every experience, and as writers, nothing is a waste of our time if we learn from it. The more you do, the more you will have to draw from when you write!
Good luck with whatever decision you make! Keep us posted!
Its empowering just to check things out and know you might have options. Being bored, unhappy, overworked, unchallenged,...whatever--its all common. But you can't just not do anything about it. Even if you dont ever actually leave, you can go to bed saying, "Well, at least I looked at my options today. I didn't just swallow or accept my state without doing even the most minor of exploration. You'd be surprised how many people dont even think enough of themselves to do that.
I like the way you people think. You're speaking my heart about this issue. I bought my ticket to Denver last night and am headed out in a couple of weeks to see friends and check out the prospective pasture. Thanks so much for your comments and encouragement.
Good luck in it. You know when you're done.
I told myself I'd leave my old job once I secured a replacement then realized a few years in, that stepping into thin air would have to be the option to take. I'm healthier and happier 3 years later.
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