Sleeping with the light on

When things in my life start to pick up downhill momentum, I start falling asleep with the light on. I'm so overwhelmed I can't fully commit to rest by turning the light off. So I lie to myself as I yield for 'just a few minutes' to my heavy eyes, the light my insurance and assurance I have not given up for the night. I rose this morning cotton mouthed with a headache for the 3rd night in a row, annoyed at the money I waste leaving the light on all night, mind racing and no more prepared to deal.

The printer, the sink, dad's gift, all that is left undone at work, laundry, rebate forms, virus protection for the computer, cleaning house, donating clothing, Baloo's medication, Baloo's new lumps, mom, should I return to Tennessee with her in 5 days for the first time in 8 years, why it's so hard and stressful to 'go home', what it means that I would almost rather not deal with the complication of their lives intersecting with mine, creating another set of obligations to add to the ones I already biff on a regular basis, why it makes me so sad that my boss is leaving, how disappointed I am that I've not left the east coast or visited anyone who doesn't live in New York or D.C., how bummed I am that I didn't meet a great guy here or even a great girlfriend (though I honestly have the girlfriend piece covered in spades--I've got the best out there, they just don't live here). *breath*

It's just been a month or so of losing traction and unfortunate events; personal and professional hiccups that I let snowball into the regressive sleeping with the light on phase I'm currently wading in. I hope after having this cup of weak coffee in my Winnie-the-Pooh cup life will be just a little less daunting, my headache's sharper edges will be blunted through the miracle of caffeine and Sudafed Sinus headache, and something will give way in that list above to make it easier to turn off the light at night and rest easy in the accomplishments of the day.