Take a chance on me

Someone asked for a link to my blog today. I haven't decided if I'm going to send it. Full disclosure, I obliquely mentioned that I had a blog. By obliquely I mean I told them I had a blog. I told them I would send them stuff I had written, the angry funny stuff, not the angst-y will I-won't I ever fall in love and sing and dance and have woodland creatures help me do laundry like in the Disney movies.

They didn't ask if I had a blog, didn't say they love reading blogs in their free time, I just decided it was time for them to know I had one. I don't know why I treat a blog-reveal like blogging is something no one else does. Fake characters on TV shows have real blogs. I guess a part of me feels lame for blogging. I kind of want to call it something else so I don't feel like this poster applies to me.




But it's kind of true right?

So I should never tell anyone who I want to think I'm cool that I blog because they will read my blog and know without a doubt that I am a hot mess. Then they will stop talking to me, gravity will stop working and the world and everything on it that survives exiting the atmosphere will be hurled into space. Or maybe just the first thing and possibly nothing bad at all.

So I'm lame and blogging is lame. So is The Big Bang Theory and yet I still watch it while waiting for 30 Rock even though I keep wondering how in the world The Big Bang Theory became such a hit and resent that someone gets paid to write it.

Bottom line, part of getting known is giving people an opportunity to reject me. I have a tendency to take that decision away from people by beating them to the punch or closeting myself so there is no opportunity to know enough to care one way or another. I need to take a chance on me, to let me *not* be some one's cup of tea, to let them roll their eyes at something I write like I roll my eyes at others and judge with my judge-iness.

Not trying to get caught up in a wave of carpe diem tra-la-la, I'm too something (cynical/sarcastic/sleepy) to grab a stick and hobo handkerchief and set out to find wisdom from some off the grid guy chilling on a mountain top. But I want to get better at failing. Not in a douche bag 'I want to be less awesome and allow some humanizing error into my excellence' way. I'm excellent at failure, I want to get better at risking it and not internalizing it.

All this over sending a url. Overthink much?