I wanna be a writer when I grow up. Just like I want to be skinny, more interesting, less reserved, better at street math. Truth is, I'm a lazy undisciplined writer. I write when I want, I pout if I can't get that stream of consciousness down to paper while it's happening. I don't try to recapture fleeting thoughts. I don't try to create with discipline what sometimes comes to me in a tumble of every word I ever wanted to use to capture a particular thought or feeling. I look back at those words and they are still pretty babies to me. It's like having that perfect comeback when the person is actually in front of you. It may be absolutely stupid (that's what she said comes to mind) but sometimes it's just pure genius.

I haven't had one of those days in a long time, when the words come to me AND I'm somewhere I can get it all down. The TV is almost always on--it's on right now. Ashley is doing something or doing nothing, both irritate or distract me on some level and by the time the house settles down, I'm barely able to keep my eyes open long enough to post or even think. Ashley is seriously disabusing me of the notion that sharing your life or space with another makes anything easier. It makes some things, on rare occasions, nominally easier. It makes everything else exponentially messier and harder.

I'm the girl that taken guys imagine they might be into if they hadn't locked it down with someone else. If I were a guy or a lesbian, I would be one of their closest friends. But as an anchor-less single gal, I don't get to be best friends with married men. Nor should I be. It's kind of a waste of time. It's a challenge to be friends with any couple because you always know one better than the other and you are always vacillating between second wheel with the partner being left out or third wheel with you making it weird for the couple.

So yea, that's what's on my mind tonight.