Junk drawer

Dear Pharmaceutical Company(ies) who market depression drugs,

You know what? I'm good. Going to cope with my body image, self esteem, social anxiety, discomfort with clowns, etc the old fashioned way by eating, or exercising, learning crochet or some other something. I'm not sure if your commercials are made by people actively suffering from depression but I do know I kind of want to end it all when I see them. The music is awful, like sad porn music, and whether the commercial features actors or animation, no one ever looks happy. They all just look okay like, 'Well, now I can manage a close mouthed smile for a family photo but my eyes say I still feel dead inside.' Way not to oversell the benefits of anti-depression medication. If the commercials are anything to go by, seems depression is worse than herpes by a long shot. At least with herpes, I'm living life, I've got a boyfriend, I'm riding horses, there isn't a bathrobe attacking me as soon as I wake up and stalking me even when I'm on Abilify and some other medication that clearly isn't cutting it. Just thinking about that animated stalking bathrobe or dark cloud makes me sad. I guess if you are depressed the best they can do is turn down the volume of suck. Finally, herpes wins a 'would you rather' contest.

--

Girl crushes

I love girl crushes. It's so much simpler once you both confess how much you like each other. You just become friends (Hi Teresa@good-grace).

--

Where I'm from

I went back to Omaha for the first time in a decade or so and felt like I needed to acknowledge it as one of my homes. I'm not from anywhere but there are formative places and Omaha is one of them. It was our first family home. It was my first public school. I learned to drive there, had my first kiss and first concert, first and second gay dates to military balls. I'm at least a little bit from all the places I've ever been.

Much as I want to hate this place I'm in, I'm from the Washington Metropolitan Area as well. I've lived here longer than I have anywhere else. I bought and sold my first home here, I got Baloo here, I bump into people at Trader Joe's or in the hallway at work that are a part of my near and distant past. I bumped into a guy I used to babysit overseas in the hallway at work a few years ago. I bumped into a guy I haven't seen in several years at Trader Joe's today. Turns out he applied for the assignment I'm jokingly hoping (in very poor taste, I know) for cancer to get out of. Can't make that shit up. He high-fived me because I got it. It makes me feel crazy because I just know that was just a plant to make me take to this page and write about it. I also know if this trouble maker lymph node is semi-serious, I will want to forge ahead and go at the same time I am relieved to have an option to stay. Just feels good when you know where the exits are, I guess.