Oh I definitely agree. On average anyway. Women are very much of the world--by which I mean the real world. They can talk all they want about "true love," or soul mates or whatnot; but at the end of the day they're asking "How much money does this guy earn? How long has he had his job? Does he own a car? Is he interested in kids? Would he be a good father? A good provider? Where will he take me for dinner?" In fact, they ask these things to themselves even before the first date--not just at the end of the day!
Men on the other hand, they have to place their women on a pedestal if they're gonna fall in love. They have to fall in love with the idea of falling in love. For women, that comes naturally so long as the other (see above) elements are in place. But men--at least the marrying kind, they're searching for a holy grail to buy into whole heartedly. A quest to justify why they aren't gonna sleep around anymore and listen to a substitute mother. As a man you have to turn not cheating or sleeping around into a hero's mission. An almost religious exercise. And that's romanticism.
This is why the modern American marriage so often can't stay together. 'Cause the man can't play the romantic hero of family provider. Now that women work and society accepts it (as it should), the family doesn't need the man. The man's expendable. That's not very romantic--particularly in bad economic times; so nowadays more and more men say screw it.
I LOVE this post. It's awesome. It's such a concise credible expansion on the :27 seconds of dialog in this clip. I feel like a light just came on in my head. When I read your comment this morning, I had a flood of random things that fell into place that I wanted to say here that have of course evaporated. But thanks for the comment. Good, good stuff.
Thanks Ava. Not particularly happy or eager to bring these things up, but I do think what I say is true. Or has a lot of "truth."
My advice to the modern woman would be "go after and get what you want." What you really want. By which I mean if you want 1) a house, 2) a husband, 3) a kid, and 4) a dog in the yard; well, close to 3/4 of those things can be done on your own--w/out a man. You dont have to sacrifice 3/4 of the things you really want just cause you're waiting on that one missing piece.
In fact, what you might find is that once you've satisfied 3 out of 4 of your biggest goals, you're in a lot healthier, happier, more confident position to lock-in that final relationship piece.
But don't take my advice, I'll probably be single forever. (Thats one thing in this modern world I can commit to!!).
It's not a bad discussion, doesn't bum me out or anything. It was actually a revelation of sorts about why something I always thought was true, seems to be true. Guys like to say that a woman chooses and holds all the cards. I think that is really only true when we're talking about sex. For coupling, for actually being in a relationship, it's the guy who chooses because of everything you mention above. In that sense women are more flexible or pragmatic in fitting the fairy tale around the guy who wants to lock it down.
Those last comments of mine weren't directed specifically at you Ava. I have several female friends I could have been talking to about this same topic. And maybe even a guy or two. Lot of the old rules of living and organizing ourselves are falling by the wayside. Its tough to play the game when the rules are changing so quickly. Hard to know when you're winning. Best to make your own rules and make sure the game's serving you.
I didn't think you were necessarily talking to me but we've had a similar discussion in this space before. I think to the extent it doesn't hurt other people, your last sentence is America, life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness, aptly called the *pursuit* of happiness because lord knows it's more than half the battle to figure out what in the world makes you happy.
6 comments:
Oh I definitely agree. On average anyway. Women are very much of the world--by which I mean the real world. They can talk all they want about "true love," or soul mates or whatnot; but at the end of the day they're asking "How much money does this guy earn? How long has he had his job? Does he own a car? Is he interested in kids? Would he be a good father? A good provider? Where will he take me for dinner?" In fact, they ask these things to themselves even before the first date--not just at the end of the day!
Men on the other hand, they have to place their women on a pedestal if they're gonna fall in love. They have to fall in love with the idea of falling in love. For women, that comes naturally so long as the other (see above) elements are in place. But men--at least the marrying kind, they're searching for a holy grail to buy into whole heartedly. A quest to justify why they aren't gonna sleep around anymore and listen to a substitute mother. As a man you have to turn not cheating or sleeping around into a hero's mission. An almost religious exercise. And that's romanticism.
This is why the modern American marriage so often can't stay together. 'Cause the man can't play the romantic hero of family provider. Now that women work and society accepts it (as it should), the family doesn't need the man. The man's expendable. That's not very romantic--particularly in bad economic times; so nowadays more and more men say screw it.
Lodo,
I LOVE this post. It's awesome. It's such a concise credible expansion on the :27 seconds of dialog in this clip. I feel like a light just came on in my head. When I read your comment this morning, I had a flood of random things that fell into place that I wanted to say here that have of course evaporated. But thanks for the comment. Good, good stuff.
Thanks Ava. Not particularly happy or eager to bring these things up, but I do think what I say is true. Or has a lot of "truth."
My advice to the modern woman would be "go after and get what you want." What you really want. By which I mean if you want 1) a house, 2) a husband, 3) a kid, and 4) a dog in the yard; well, close to 3/4 of those things can be done on your own--w/out a man. You dont have to sacrifice 3/4 of the things you really want just cause you're waiting on that one missing piece.
In fact, what you might find is that once you've satisfied 3 out of 4 of your biggest goals, you're in a lot healthier, happier, more confident position to lock-in that final relationship piece.
But don't take my advice, I'll probably be single forever. (Thats one thing in this modern world I can commit to!!).
It's not a bad discussion, doesn't bum me out or anything. It was actually a revelation of sorts about why something I always thought was true, seems to be true. Guys like to say that a woman chooses and holds all the cards. I think that is really only true when we're talking about sex. For coupling, for actually being in a relationship, it's the guy who chooses because of everything you mention above. In that sense women are more flexible or pragmatic in fitting the fairy tale around the guy who wants to lock it down.
Those last comments of mine weren't directed specifically at you Ava. I have several female friends I could have been talking to about this same topic. And maybe even a guy or two. Lot of the old rules of living and organizing ourselves are falling by the wayside. Its tough to play the game when the rules are changing so quickly. Hard to know when you're winning. Best to make your own rules and make sure the game's serving you.
I didn't think you were necessarily talking to me but we've had a similar discussion in this space before. I think to the extent it doesn't hurt other people, your last sentence is America, life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness, aptly called the *pursuit* of happiness because lord knows it's more than half the battle to figure out what in the world makes you happy.
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