I can not believe you did it again. I'm cutting you some slack Dad because you did think something was seriously wrong with you but sending your kids a text message at 1 am telling them that you love them and to 'make the best of your youth' is not the last communication I want to have with you. And Mom...you let him drive himself to the ER and not even the nearest ER...I mean, I don't even know what to do with that. Your husband who slept in a chair by your bed for 2 months, that guy, you let him wait in the ER by himself to dwell on his own mortality and send his kids a random 'just in case' last words text message without telling us something was wrong. I could go on and on but let's just stay focused on the message here which is; it is NOT okay to send your kids text messages to let them know someone in their family died, or to tell your family you love them if you are preparing to drive yourself past the closest ER to a military hospital where you will be stopped at the gate and asked to show ID before being allowed to proceed toward the hospital to determine if you are having a heart attack. So glad we had this chat.
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For the record, I only found out about the ER visit after I texted my Dad to tell him I loved him too. My brother and sister still didn't know until I called them this evening. When I called my parents to fuss at them this evening, he was napping so I fussed at my Mom. I was incredulous when she told me he still brought her breakfast this morning. What. the. hell. He got back from the hospital at 4:30 in the morning. God, I know I'm not good at letting people help me--you know, not giving people an opportunity to let me down or seem put out by it, and now I understand that it's hopeless. My mother is stubborn and stoic, my father is a martyr, he wants help but he can't ask for it. I never had a chance.
I was talking to my Mom about how people who constantly seek validation provoke something awful and mean in me, I reflexively withhold. You know how they tell you to never run away from a dog because that just makes him chase? Well, I'm only running away because I'm being chased. Turns out I get that from Mom. Dad has been chasing her their entire marriage. He just wants to know she at least likes him from time to time. I don't know if I feel good that he's the coyote to her roadrunner and there is some kind of beautiful twisted balance in that or if I just want for once, for the coyote to win.
2 comments:
Aaaaw... you are a good daughter. (You want the coyote to win just once...) They do have a very interesting dynamic - and yes, it sounds like it is a "beautiful twisted balance". I'm so very glad your dad was okay (scary!) and that you called them to "fuss". It might have been even better that you could only dish it to your mom. (To balance out the scary time of reflection your dad had the night before at the ER....by himself.)
You do have a wonderful, loving family.
(thinking of that funny text/picture your dad sent you when he and your mom were shopping!)
Hey Teresa!
One of the things Mom and I talked about was how I didn't get their relationship (nor was a I seeking details) but she said they have almost nothing in common but she liked him because he made her laugh. I'm a little mad I watched Blue Valentine because I wasn't in the mood for a movie without resolution but this from Ryan Gosling's character really spoke to me;
"I feel like men are more romantic than women. When we get married we marry, like, one girl, 'cause we're resistant the whole way until we meet one girl and we think I'd be an idiot if I didn't marry this girl she's so great. But it seems like girls get to a place where they just kinda pick the best option... 'Oh he's got a good job.' I mean they spend their whole life looking for Prince Charming and then they marry the guy who's got a good job and is gonna stick around."
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