Today's weather is amazing. It is sunny, it is just the right amount of breezy, it's not so hot that I can't wear jeans and a tank top, it's pretty fantastic. Know what I'm doing? I'm sitting inside with a blanket on my shoulders and an ice pack on my lower back. I spent the morning getting to a point of reduced pain and enough mobility to allow me to take my dog for a walk. Being like this makes me feel old and vulnerable. It also makes me miss my chiropractor in Virginia.
Naturally, I joined a gym today. Nothing makes a person who has trouble working through the mechanics of using the restroom and getting out bed feel better than throwing away their money. And for free I get a fitness assessment where a tiny spandex-clad blond named Ashley measures and weighs me and talks about my fitness goals. I don't understand why gym people do this. If I don't ask you for your recommendations, why do you insist on providing them? And why through the portal of a person I'm most likely to have a visceral reaction against? Does my chubby black ass want to have a conversation with Ashley about my fitness goals? No, I want to sit on Ashley. That's what I want to do. Sit on her while eating something outside the meal plan she is likely to recommend. I don't want to talk to Ashley about what I do eat or what I should eat. I just want to fucking go to the gym. Christ almighty, it makes me want to eat a sleeve of girl scout cookies. In front of them.
So my plans for the day are kind of shot. I want to sit in the park with my dog and read a book but sitting is an issue and getting up is an even bigger one. I had my lunch and some Motrin so I may put on some sweats and go to my new gym, which is literally 2 steps from my front door. Seriously. Two steps and my hand is on their doorknob. Before they can discourage me with their talk of "clean eating" and supplement recommendations, I can at least exercise on my own terms. I have a feeling my conversation with Ashley will provide plenty of blog fodder so I look forward to it for that reason alone. I'm paying the money here so I don't have to put up with stuff I don't like. I don't have weight loss goals, size goals, clothing goals (other than staying in the ones I have). I just want to be stronger. I want the gym to support my lifestyle, not become my lifestyle. I want stronger abs not because I want to display them to the world (which is tacky to me) but because it will help stabilize my back. I want a stronger back because I don't want to have to get low to pick up dog poop and I don't want a trip to the bathroom to be so involved and potentially catastrophic. I want stronger thighs and calves to support my genetically bad knees and clearly malicious ankles.
In pictures from college and my 20's when I was in the gym 5-6 days a week, I looked great but I didn't appreciate that body at all. That body was bangin for real and I didn't do it justice and was never satisfied with it. Knowing that about myself, it's important for me to approach fitness pragmatically. Will there be less of me to love as I work to get strong to support my weak areas? Absolutely. But if I approach with goals focused on dress sizes, smaller this or bigger that, I will be unhappy no matter what I do and I will get frustrated and quit. So wish me luck with Ashley or better, wish her luck because I'm going to make it clear that I'm not interested in having the kind of discussion with her that she has with everyone else. I'm not going to talk about what I eat for breakfast, how I take my coffee. I'm not going to purchase her supplements or approach working out like I'm a professional athlete obsessed about "performance" and "recovery" and other nonsense. I'm a 35 year old woman who wants to feel good and wants her body to run like a dependable car. I don't need to pour all my energy and time into being able to smoke anyone at stop lights. I just need it to take me where I want to go without breaking down.
5 comments:
I got assigned an Ashley too. Flint on flint. Her perky cheerleader ways I found offputting but she was so adamant I wimped out of opposing her and switched gyms.
> I want the gym to support my lifestyle, not become my lifestyle. [...] clearly malicious ankles.
My knees, ankles and back are kin.
Yes, good point. they'd do well to pitch fitting into a client's life rather than changing his/her life.
Go for the 6-pack abs. Display them. This is my advice to you and your personality type. You'll get stronger mentally. At least, that's my guess. Take it from the ever-deeping Lodo Grdzak.
And what dear Lodo is my personality type? I can't think of how 6 pack abs fit with my personality.
Neither can I--just talkin' out my ass.
Guess what I was thinking (or perhaps projecting) was that physicality is an important fuel for the soul. It leads to more outgoing qualities which--and again, this is just me now!--makes life more fun to pursue. The mechanics of the gym's activities: running, hitting the speedbag, making the sweat. That's good stuff and prepares you to...go out, have fun, and write a post. Or two!!
i totally didn't appreciate my body pre-baby at all. oh how i wish i would have!
i so can't do the diet thing. i can eat healthier, but there's a limit and a quality of life (that involves certain foods) that i want to maintain...i mean what would be the point of living if you didn't have fun and indulge every now and then.
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