Escape velocity

Must. leave. house. I've spent the morning Facebook stalking my high school classmates and letting a tiny bead on envy creep into my head for even the unwed mothers (I know, who calls them unwed mothers anymore? Apparently, just me.) Single parenting is not an easy life, hell, parenting isn't easy but they have some beautiful kids and it's just neat.

My sister's cell phone has been turned off because she hasn't paid her bill. This in spite of my father's continued monetary assistance. I just want to shake her sometimes. Such a miserable fucking waste. I was talking to my hair dresser yesterday and he mentioned a girl he knew who was addicted to heroin at 14 and was selling her body to support her and her boyfriend's habit. She's 32 now and seriously and permanently fucked in the head. Life is not likely to get better for her in any discernable way. My sister has had opportunity hand over fist...I swear she is what I think about when I consider that it might be better not to have any children. She is such an emotional drain.

Not being able to reach her the other day, I daydreamed about interviewing with Dateline mystery and trying to explain why it was weeks before we thought something might be wrong because she is impossible to reach. I had the awful thought of thinking it might be for the best and then lamented losing her because I love her. We have fun together. We make eachother laugh. Many people say we sound alike--it's like we're twins born 12 years apart. Is that bad when you think it might be better for someone you love to have their lives cut tragically short than to continue to unfold badly?

In other news I'm bemused and bewildered by the men of this world. I continue to draw young men which continues to entertain me. They are really persistent. It's cute but strange. I really entertain some really stupid conversations. Eventually I'm going to learn to trust my gut and bail early.

Honestly unrelated, I walked by my hair dresser this morning with the dog. We were talking the door when he noticed a woman walking by with what appeared to be two asses. She had on unflattering sweats and underwear that divided her ass horizontally, creating a stacked ass. What does Frank say? He says, "That's a yeast infection there." I came apart. He is completely touched in the head. You really never know what he's going to say.

I seriously need to get out of this place.