The Work of the Devil

Trail mix: 99 percent of people eating trail mix are not even standing up or outside. They do not need the calories or energy trail mix is formulated to provide. Take it from someone who is 2/3 of their way through a bag.

Health/Energy/Sports drinks: Again, most people drinking this are sitting at computers or watching someone else play a sport.

Makeup counter makeovers: Never have I left this counter without sporting what I like to call 'day looks for women of the night.' If it takes more than 5-8 minutes to finish, it's far too much.

Un-reciprocated, unrequited, or spurned love: I have nothing original to offer here. Just as I watch my friend in pain, I think of how much like drug addiction these things can be.

Bachelor/Bachelorette parties: You're engaged. Your single girlfriends and dude friends, they are bachelors/bachelorettes. That whole life you lived before you met your betrothed, that's when it was appropriate to put money in a someone's underwear with your teeth. Not here to judge but it doesn't make any sense to me. You're already getting married, throw a true bachelorette party for all the single ladies coming to celebrate your marriage. It's like a consolation prize; I get to spend the rest of my life with my love, you single ladies can get some extra attention from Mr. Chippendale.

The Polish guy who sent me a message on a dating website who had 60+ pictures; several of him shirtless holding a black bat/club. No baseballs or other evidence of sport intentions for the bat. Just a fun-loving Polish guy and his bat. Also had a picture of him with 2 rifles. I had no desire to engage him with any advice for his profile. The man had a bat.

Humidity + wind: So not cool. I hate trying to look nice, walking along the city streets with my strut on and catching a glimpse of myself in a window or arriving home to discover I look stark raving mad because my hair is completely out of control.

Sports bras: I hate you. I hate you when you are so tight I can barely breathe. I hate you when you allow my boobs to become one centrally located boob bubble. I hate spillage, I hate your compression without actual support. There is almost nothing useful about you, yet you cost just as much as something that actually makes me look good.

In other news, I did not meet up with that guy last week. I called it off early that afternoon. He sounded pissed and may have called me again since then but I haven't talked to him. I feel terrible for calling it off. Work had been terrible that day and I wasn't going to get out of there in time to get ready to meet him and I really wasn't looking forward to meeting him anyway. It's an amalgam of stuff that might be enough for a separate post more about me than him so perhaps I will dissect that another time.

There is a 25 year old who has been sweating me for about 3 weeks now trying to get me to meet him after work near midnight-I keep refusing to meet with him, he keeps asking. Guys, a woman CAN be worn down. I told him if we actually made plans instead of him trying to hit me up at 11pm for that night, I would meet him. He called my bluff and asked me out for last night. He doesn't get off work until 11 so our date would have started after midnight and I was dreading it and wondering why in the world I had agreed to it. But he ended up canceling. I was SO relieved and told him so. He said it had been a really rough night at work and he just wanted to stay home--I don't even care if he was meeting someone else, I was just glad to be able to stay in.