Some observations, slightly buzzed

I think we put too much pressure on gay men to be good at fashion. I walked past a pot bellied gay man in a sweaty t-shirt and unremarkable shorts suggesting all the fag hag's dress needed was some silver bracelets--nothing else. She went on to solicit advice on the second dress option and I wondered why women insist on making gay men responsible for our high fashion. I went on to wonder if being called out by a gay man as fabulous is perhaps a sure sign you need to take it down a notch. Subtlety as it is with straight men, seems to be even more lost on gay men of the type I observed dispensing advise this afternoon.

I've decided I would probably be more bummed about a bad date than a douche-y ditch. It would be one thing if I was strongly attracted to him or felt we had been having mind blowing conversations, hell if even I thought I might just be physically attracted to him I would have been more bummed. But it still kind of sucks, I still kind of cried in my beer, and I'm still kind of lost tonight. This is a night I would give myself another bye to do something I wouldn't otherwise do because there is a void where a date would have been--and not a date with him--just a date in general. This is a night I would trade validation of just being attractive for what I'd really prefer which is a relationship. I could see another steak trade coming on. Blech. I feel like I ruined that food. I also feel like crab cake, fries, and beer is not the best combo I've ever put together.

I got dressed up this morning despite not having evening plans because I wanted to feel attractive. I figured I couldn't be a reject date AND look sloppy. Now I kind of feel like a dressed up loser. I'm about to scrub down for reals.

I've decided to put off picking up my sister for another week. I don't know how she feels about it but what's new. I don't know how she feels about anything.

This means I will have time to go to the gym. I'm not sure this means I will actually go to the gym but I do have the time.

I'm alone again this weekend. All two people I know are out of town. I never mind going to the bar alone, in fact I prefer it to the company of a group of women twirling their hair and vying for male attention, but I hate not having the option of company vs more numero uno time. I look cute today. Someone should be around to appreciate it.

I was hoping the girlfriend of this guy talking loudly about a strip club with his buddy would come to the bar because I swear I was going to tell her, 'OMG, you just missed the BEST story about your boyfriend's experience at this strip club in Atlanta. It was off the hook. They got 10 dollar lap dances all night and the girls there were stupid hot. Ask anyone within 20 feet about it.' Why do we get so fucking loud when we drink? How annoying.

I don't want to turn 35 this year. I generally like multiples of 5 because it's easier math but right now I don't want this to be 35. I want it to be 32 or 33. I want a lot of things.

Another boutique is closing on 3rd Street. I wandered in not aware and then said a string of meaningless stupid sentences when the owner told me they were closing. So then I bought 2 things. Better, right? I often wonder who really shops at these places. I wondered often how they stayed in business. I guess I was right to wonder.

A guy just IM'd me on this dating site with a smily face. I replied 'you again with the smiles and not talking.' Yea, Ava's breakin hearts tonight. Come correct my friend, come correct.