Okay so maybe we got a little too excited about SpongeBob Jesus. I may have scared him off. I think in the context of the conversation we were having, it was not at all alarming to suggest my favorite baby names. He clearly feels differently about it.
I didn't really do that, it was just funny to write. I haven't really taken a week off of work either. Tomorrow for the third day in a row during my week of vacation, I am going into work. It won't even be a 3 day weekend as I am going in tomorrow to prepare for something that will happen Friday. Maybe the sinking anxious feeling from Monday wasn't an inability to relax but a premonition for how badly this attempt at gaining perspective and traction in my personal life was going to turn out.
A nugget of perspective on how I came to be this way came by way of Snake (my co-worker). I was raging, complaining about the complete lack of boundaries and how sick I was of being consulted about issues clearly outside of the scope of my job. A few minutes later, we were talking about something else and I mentioned that I had been preparing my sister's checks for deposit because left to her own devices, it just sits on the countertop. Snake noted I was 'that person' even in my family. I'm the person they depend on to do something special for their birthday, to research things, to take in siblings, to comfort my mother when she's feeling down as my father asked me to do today. Then later this evening, I recalled my father sometimes coming down to my room when I was in college to talk about the things that bothered him-often about my mom. How I ran the family finances when he was away on an extended absence, reconciling the checkbook with him weekly, how I arranged my classes in college to be able to pick up my sister from school, how I started cooking dinners when I was 12 to help out after my sister was born. I won't say those things should or shouldn't be because they just are. I just think they are useful for me to recall because if it's something I want to change, I should be patient with myself. I can't change something I've been doing since I was at least 12 in one week. I can't even decide if I want to change in one week.
So that's where we stand. No SpongeBob Jesus, work again tomorrow, pause on the introspection and housekeeping.
2 comments:
I don't think there's anything necessarily wrong with being "that person." If you're happy being that person, then you should carry on! Maybe just find a workplace where they recognize how valuable you are and praise (and compensate!) you to the heavens as you deserve.
However, if you realize that being "that person" was something you started doing out of necessity and just never stopped, then maybe it would be worth thinking about how to change it.
Also, I think it's awesome that your coworker's name is Snake. It reminds me of Escape from New York, one of my favorite movies!
Thank you for your comments/thought tamara! I really appreciate the feedback and dialogue. I'm kind of leaning towards liking 'that person' but I think it's worth the hard work of determining if that person could use an overhaul. More for the why than the what.
I have been alternately celebrated and ignored/disadvantaged within the same organization for being that person and I suspect it will be that way everywhere I go. This week--it was so inappropriate (violation/my lack of enforcement) w/r/t my boundaries, that Snake (this is what I call him-not his actual name) and others discussed me at length and not in a good way. Mostly I say, 'whatev' People have to have something to talk about and sometimes it's going to be me. They aren't going to rally to take care of their own shit and even some of mine in the spirit of reciprocity. So they can shut their piehole about how I run my shit. My experience is being that person either elevates the sense of collective in your office and everyone takes care of each other or the office takes advantage of you while encouraging you to take care of yourself so they don't feel like such shitbags.
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