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Boy am I conflicted
I was talking to my Mom today about my pending assignment. I told her how it's all but certain I will not pass the language test the first or second time I take it. It *just* occurred to me that part of me wants to fail to spite my terrible teacher. I couldn't be a better poster child for cutting off my nose to spite my face if I tried.
Anyway, Mom said she had been praying about this assignment. To say my parents aren't nuts about it is putting it mildly. I know how they feel and while there are parts about it, like moving, settling in, not knowing jack shit, figuring out what to do for Baloo, etc, that I dread with every fiber of my being, that kind of thing is not unique to this assignment. I dread that when I go on a business trip. The feral dog colonies are a little unique but also not that unusual for much of the world outside of North America and Western Europe. The job itself could be really fun and interesting assuming the people I work with and for are not total ass wipes.
I told Mom I was pretty ambivalent about the whole thing and not going wasn't going to derail my career (such that it is) if something like language disqualified me from going. With that new information, Mom informed me she was going to make a sharp turn in her prayer request as it concerned me. Where she had been praying for God's will to be done, she was now going to ask for God to honor the desire of her heart which was for me to stay. She doesn't know about the lymph node and it's potential to serve as a catalyst for the Ava stays option. That's kind of fucked up right? For a prayer to seemingly be answered in such a fucked up way? I kind of wanted to tell her right then and there so a seed could never be planted in her mind that her prayers were somehow a part of an issue I've been ignoring for a year now. But I held off because I hate for them to worry and that is exactly what they would do. I really do think it will be much ado about nothing but I do consider the opposite too and think of silly things like not being able to work out or losing my hair.
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Does my chiropractor have a crush on me?
I've been going to the same guy for 6 years. A new guy joined his practice last year and I was't real keen on him because he is super friendly and there is simply no reason for that. I don't know you like that, take it down a notch. It's been a few months now and while he is still not my preferred adjuster, I've stopped actively zapping him with waves of haterade when he Ned Flander's me and everyone else within earshot.
He seems to be a big sweet guy, the kind of guy who played football in a small town but still may have been picked on. He's the kind of guy that seems like he would want you to wait for him to get out of the car and open your door. He just seems sweet and maybe a little sweet on me. He gave me his e-mail address today and told me I could send him a list of masseuses I was considering and he would call and interview them for me so I would be more sure I was getting someone who could help me. That's weird, right? I was joking with him about something and he laughed and put his head on my shoulder. That is also weird, right?
He seems to be a nice guy so I'm going to let him interview some local places for me. Saves me some time though I'm not ignorant that this gives him a better sense of where I live since I told him I was looking for some place close. It's a weird move to make if he is indeed making a move but I'll either be out of the country or working through much heavier things in the next 4 months so why not have an interesting guy story to fill out the narrative here?
1 comment:
oooh!! I don't know where to start ... !!
The chiropractor guy ... {squeals} he does seem sweet on you. And you know, he probably CAN'T come right out and say "would you like to go to dinner with me?" b/c that's frowned upon, right? I know for regular Medical Doctors, that they can get into BIG trouble for that. (I know b/c I dated my old doctor, who made it clear that if we started to date, he could no longer be my regular doctor - although he could still be my children's physician. He actually delivered my youngest 2 children, performed my "annual exams", etc ... weird, no?) Anywhooo.... my impression is that Mr. Flanders may be going the round-about-way (I was going to say "the backdoor", but that sounds really BAD) to "test the waters". So is he sweet, like you can get past his Ned Flanders characteristics? Or is that part of what makes him sweet? (And good Lord - you made me laugh out loud with the haterade and Flanders comments.) Have you emailed him yet?
As for the medical/job stuff... You are being very loving by protecting your parents from the lymph node issues. I'm not saying you shouldn't tell them, b/c they will likely feel bad if they find out you had kept it to yourself for so long... but they will undoubtedly understand that you were trying to protect them.
And by the way, you aren't giving yourself enough credit as far as the language thing goes. Your teacher does sound like a strange piece-of-work - but you are inCREDibly smart and MORE than capable. And for the love of God, even if you try to deny it, you ARE an adventurer. You have the normal reluctance to venture outside of your comfort zone, but inevitably, you almost always DO move into the uncharted waters. Whether it's going to a nightclub by yourself, or randomly talking to a fellow in Ross, or applying for a job in an exotic (right word? probably not) location .... you are a bold woman who is capable of so much more than you ever give yourself credit for.
And Lent. What can I say? I was Catholic - but not anymore. I make no attempt to give anything up - but I do admire your goal of no TV during the week. On the nights where the kids have been bad and their punishment is no TV, we ALL get so much more accomplished. (of course, duh) But, like right now, I have Modern Family on in the living room (also DVR-ing) while I read your blog, leave a comment, and finish my actual email to you. (Maybe this is my A.D.D. kicking in?) Oh well...
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