Yep, I'm going to have some babies

I think Lodo is right, springtime does make us want to breed. I saw some grandparents with their grandchild on the way home from work today and I was overcome with Hallmark schmaltzy feelings about the circle of life and such. I wanted to give my parents the joy of seeing a piece of me young again. This Mother's Day my mom said she wished she had appreciated us more when we were little and how much she sometimes wants to be able to scoop us up again. We're both having trouble with the concept of me in my mid-30's and with my brother soon joining me on this side of that decade and my sister whose diapers I changed, sending me text messages with the f-bomb scattered throughout, I can imagine her wonder and sorrow for our fleeting childhood. Shoot, I look at my dog's graying muzzle and sometimes find myself equally incredulous and depressed that so much time has passed. I want to shrink her into a puppy, cuddle her and start all over again.

While I was positive that I wanted to have kids in my 20's, as I inched closer to 30, I became more ambivalent. Not because I stopped liking kids but because I thought I should start preparing mentally for not having children. I know I do not want to be a single mother. I don't even like being a single caretaker to a dog. Sure there's a chance 'he' wouldn't have been home when I fell last Sunday but at some point he would be and there would be an alternative to me having to Frankenboot it around three times a day to walk the dog. But I had a plan (insert Universe laughter here). I would have fun running around collecting good stories for the kids and grandkids in my early 20's, meet "the" guy in my mid-late 20's, marry around then and then have a few years to ourselves before having children. Then I grew predictably bitter/sad as my hope evaporated and decided it was probably for the best. I didn't think I could put up with a teenage version of me again anyway. Now, I'm hopeful that I won't have to toil at this life alone but I appreciate that I will miss what I have now should that ever come along. And today, a beautiful cool spring day, air heavy with the smell of whatever blooms at night and make my eyes water, I wanted kids more than I wanted to enjoy the untethered life without them or anyone else.

But I'm still not returning Batman's call.