Family: Yin

Seeking balance and a record three posts, let me go on the record for what I love about my sister. She's an amazing dancer and has an appreciation for and ability to discuss music that I admire and envy. Anything cool I've ever watched or listened to has come out of a recommendation from her or my brother. But mostly her. I can be silly with her and we have dance parties to terrible music like a strange disco version of O' Tanenbaum (true story). Not sure where I got the wretched thing but we can get sweaty rocking out to it. I don't feel stupid when I rap in front of her even though we both know I both look and sound stupid. I have NEVER been that cool and never will be. Right now I have looping in my head Rachmaninov's Piano Concerto No. 2.. She introduced me to her favorite version of that and told me why all the others were trash and poorly interpreted and played. Maybe she's wrong but I swear I can hear the difference now. I get frustrated and angry with her because of her housekeeping standards and tendency to borrow my stuff. But really I'm frustrated because she dares to project such a soul of beauty in shredded dirty indecent clothing that is so fucking distracting, disgusting, and unflattering it's insulting to anyone who values her. She thinks she saying 'fuck you, i don't care what you think' but she's really projecting, 'i don't give a fuck about myself. i may even be homeless, a prostitute, or both.'

I knew her before she knew herself. I cried because I was out of the room for her first smile. I helped her learn how to read and write. I was in college and arranging my class schedule to be home to pick her up from school. I took her with me when I went shopping. I bought her her first cell phone and took her to Georgetown for her 16th birthday and took her to the grocery store for her first alcohol purchase when she turned 21. And now she's here. She's here because I found a tape of us from a summer long ago. I was tutoring my brother and sister and we decided to record the session. I listened to that tape when I found it 2 months ago and I laughed and cried. She was still learning to read and write. The only word she recognized was her own name. I recognized I was a leader within our pack. I yelled and threatened a lot but they listened to me and we had fun together. It seemed like if she would chose it, I could help her get her life back on the rails. I don't know. She's got 8 weeks to dig deep and pull a rabbit out of her hat. God I hope she pulls it off.