Sitcom

Yesterday while I faced the gym mirror making labor faces and swearing once again to buy more flattering workout attire so I wouldn't have to observe my mini-Michelin bellies unflatteringly silhouetted, a malnourished asian girl wearing denim booty shorts and a wife beater with full make-up, fake eye lashes and fully done hair "worked out" directly behind me. Literally right behind me in the gym mirror. I could have touched her, she was that close. Entire gym worth of space and the pervert owner (who was doing a fitness "assessment") needed some 360 action in front of the gym mirror. Then the owner remarked to my trainer in what was clearly an attempt to pander to booty short girl, "can you believe she's never worked out a day in her life?" My trainer looked at the girl and then asked, "Why?" I asked my trainer what sitcom was filming right now because the entire scenario up to and including my cameo as way-bigger girl was so so ridiculous I wanted to yell bullshit at the top of my lungs. Booty short was giggling and basking in the glow of how well she was doing during her first foray into fitness and the owner was having her do every exercise that would allow him additional opportunities to touch her and/or check her out. Might be one of the grossest things I've ever seen and I've been to several autopsies.

Meanwhile in the town formerly known as Man-ville, Ava has definitely lost the bead on the pen pal and is ignoring the correspondence from douche bags who work from home but ditch her to prepare for yard sales the following day. To add insult to injuries, the college student crowd has returned. I can't tell you why I allow myself to get sucked into these conversations but I do, readers, I do.

BigRob: i'm Rob figure i say hello wish u an amazing week its the least polite mature nice thing i can do

Ava: hi rob. thanks for the hello and the warm wishes. right back at you!

BigRob: ur welcome

BigRob: i'm a nice guy wat can i say

BigRob: feel free look at my profile

BigRob: and ask me anything

Ava: actually i did look at your profile. definitely hit the nice guy message several times over. :-)

BigRob: well i'm a true gentleman

Ava: we all hope and expect for a guy to be a gentleman. it's definitely not always the case but i thought your enthusiasm for life to leapt off your profile. you seem like a real happy person

BigRob: yes and no

BigRob: yes i am happy and no i'm not "happy" b/c i have been single for the longest time that it is sad

Ava: well rob, there are over 43 thousand people on this site right now. you are not alone

BigRob: and i never had a gf

BigRob: nor on a date

Ava: you aren't asking for advice so forgive me but i would not lead with that when talking to someone new. you are focusing on what you don't have

Rob's profile noted he was a virgin and he explained to me that it wasn't a religious conviction, it was a warning to girls who might want someone more experienced. He also told me his guy friends suggested that he just get laid so he can relax. I got a bad feeling about where the conversation was going so I blocked him and logged off. So now I'm depressed because the under 25 crowd is back. Oh that's right, school IS out. Yay. It's going to be a fun summer.