It is a rare moment that I'm having now. I have the house to myself, it's quiet. I have some post fodder tumbling in my head and Baloo is napping at my feet. I found another lump today and not sure that I'll do anything about it right now. That last surgery was pretty tough on her and me and she is otherwise happily eating trash off the street and hustling strangers so we'll wait and see. Any moment now my sister will return with a girl from the neighborhood-I don't dislike her but I'm not going out of my way to hang out with her. She's just not interesting. At least she isn't with other women. Women do this thing when they get together sometimes--it just fatigues my soul. They are feeling low about themselves or just reflexively want to compare their desirability with the women they are with and thus engage in excessive preening, hair flipping, cleavage popping, and self-serving storytelling. I literally watched a girl return from the restroom with her bra showing in an attempt to lure men in. I'm guessing that's why she did it, maybe it was just for me. Then they start telling stories about the men in their lives, fake dilemmas about which hot guy relentlessly pursuing them should they chose, proclamations about men, or their desire to get some action/attention...it's never been my scene and it's tiring to boot. It's tiring for lots of reasons but primarily because most of us would rather be in our sweats snuggled up with a guy we really click with rather than wearing uncomfortable shoes and fronting. I like being out with the girls when we are actually out with each other, interested in each other, and actually talking to each other. Not when we're on the hunt. It's like watching the bad parts of National Geographic; the graphic bits with entrails and blood stained canines and muzzles, growling and asserting dominance over who gets first fruits.

I despair often that it's not going to happen for me, whatever, 'it' is. I possess elementary level flirting skills and not one for packaging the goods for max impact. I'm cerebral, introverted, and have semi-terrible instinct in choosing men to become infatuated with. But I like who I am. I hate not fitting in but I never have-why start now? Maybe my hair flipping cleavage popping colleagues will get everything they want from life and I won't. I actually hope they do because I know in my heart their way isn't nearly as fun as they want it to appear to be. I think that's probably the biggest reason alcohol is required to really give into that method.

As for me, this is how I roll. The excerpts below are my correspondence with a guy who wrote me a whiny e-mail asking me what women want.

Dude: While I've got you. Maybe you could provide some perspective....being a woman and all. WHAT THE HELL DO WOMEN WANT? I don't get it. They want a man who's dark and mysterious, but open with his emotions; Someone who's tall, yet down to Earth; Someone who's young, but well traveled; Someone who likes who they are, but isn't afraid of change; Someone who will instantly be there to light their cigarette, but has his own life!!!... Any insight would be most appreciated. My sister says to just be myself...Ha. After all these years she doesn't think that I know better than to take advice from her.
So how are things on your end of the dating spectrum. Brighter I hope.

Ava: Well besides guys whose name rhymes with _____ writing a very single me for relationship advice on a dating website, things are good. I keed, I keed...

Women want the same thing men do but seem more willing to settle for regular sex with someone they don't really like talking to or hanging out with.

Segue to my love is a lottery philosophy

Dude: Hey, your answer got a little too involved and wordy. I wasn't actually expecting such an informative answer. If I really cared what a woman wanted I would ask her, and then possibly listen to what she says. Possibly! But thanks for caring.

Ava: Love it. My "answer was a little too involved and wordy." That's how I roll my friend. I give awesome advice. You'd be wise to take it.