And now for something completely different

Right now I'm soundly buzzed. It is a good feeling. I'm glad that Prohibition didn't last though the backspace key is seeing some increased use tonight. I've also had some Tylenol so I'm sure that is making an otherwise normal buzz extra punchy. I had a feeling about our resident hot guy--I forget now what blog name I've given him, that he would be the type I could bump into at our local pub and that I needed to get my ass in there so I could talk to him more. So tonight when OG called and felt like a loser for not being at the shore (I'm new to this area so I'm amused by this whole 'shore' phenomenon where the east coast corridor north of Baltimore all of a sudden begins to act like a migratory bird every weekend), I suggested we go to the pub. It is my favorite place to go alone and I bring all of my out of town friends there. It's not really OG's kind of place or at least it doesn't seem to be the kind of place I think OG goes to on a regular basis. No one is there to be seen, they are just there for good food, drink, and maybe some conversation with the stranger on the stool next to you. I've met some good folks there and keep trying to get myself there at least once a week because I always leave glad that I came.

Well he was there and I could kick myself. I didn't invite him over to sit with us and didn't even acknowledge him until he walked past us on his way out and he either didn't hear me or didn't understand why I was talking to him because my face is not burned into his memory the way that his is into mine. Either way, I biffed it. He probably didn't recognize me because it wasn't 1 am and I didn't look homeless.

It was probably better that way as I felt it had the potential to get very Mutual of Omaha with OG and I both vying for his attention. It would have probably deteriorated quickly and he would have felt uncomfortable like one of us was going to mount him imminently. Actually, he would have only got that vibe from OG, I'm the first one to back off in that kind of situation. I would never make it on a reality dating show. I was glad when he left because we could stop talking about things we hoped he would overhear. I HATE that conversation. I hate all contrived girl conversations where you know you are attempting to talk more to the room around you than the people you are actually talking to. I suck at those conversations and I just want to tell the table to take their voice down a few notches, stop twirling and tossing your hair, and try asking me about my day instead of talking about bra shopping or all the guys you've been dating. We might as well have bare red asses pointing at the guys we want to come over and ask for our number. Of course that probably works better than my trademark pretend the person isn't even there technique so I probably shouldn't make fun of the red ass women.

OG is beautiful. She's sassy and outspoken and just enough crazy to keep it interesting for guys. But it's spring and rapidly moving into summer and everyone is hooked up with someone but her (and me). And it is bumming her out. So if I do with resident hot guy what I did with cute guy with dog (who I am totally over, thanks in part to my actually asking him out), which is force the moment to its crisis and see if he wants to hang out sometime, I think OG will be pissed. But more bummed than pissed because when women get in the funk that OG is in, it seems that every other woman has something a man wants but you. She'll assume resident hot guy is going to the bar with me because of my legs or because I have a dog, or because of anything that she can't compete with that she thinks I have over her. Women don't really have a "bros before hoes" policy. It's always kind of personal on some level. If he chose her over me (assuming he chose either of us), I would do the same thing.

Why can't life be like a romantic comedy at least some of the time?