Original Blog: "Wonders never cease"

19 Mar 08

Wonders never cease

Mr. Coffee must subscribe to the blog and felt compelled to do something so bizarre that I would be sure to write about it.

A necessary prologue; last week, Mr. Coffee asked me to lunch. We met up, started to talk and eat when two gentlemen passed by that he recognized. They recognized him as well, said hello, exchanged quick pleasantries and sat down at a table right next to us. Mr. Coffee told me that he was going to go over to their table to have lunch with them for a little while and then come back to me. They had not invited him or even expressed any interest in meeting up with him later. He then proceeded to gather his entire lunch and moved over to the adjacent table, asking me as he left to make sure he didn’t forget his lunch cooler. I was stunned and hurt. I conspicuously finished my lunch and tried to appear perfectly okay to have been so thoroughly dissed. While sitting there I decided that he was dead to me and that this would be the last time I talked to him. I’m not one for scenes or confrontation so when he returned, resuming our conversation like he’d never been away, I let it be and didn’t call him out on it.

Later that day, he called me and I then informed him that he was dead to me. Yes, I used those words exactly. I explained that what he did at lunch was the rudest thing anyone has ever done to me. He tried lamely to provide some sort of justification before giving up and saying that he 100 percent agreed with me and that he was wrong and was very sorry. I told him that I would take his apology under consideration. He asked if he should keep apologizing and I told him no. He asked what he could do and I told him, “show me.” He said “ok” and then we hung up.

I hadn’t heard from him since and didn’t expect to. Today, he called me. I answered the phone and he began to sing to me;

“imagine me and you, I do
I think about you day and night, it's only right
To think about the girl with the hurting hand (or something like that)
So happy together.” I’m not even sure I need to go on. But I must.

So after he stopped singing he told me that he’d been thinking about my hand and wondering how I was doing. He was concerned about nerve damage and what feeling I may have lost. I know, totally bizarre. But it gets better.

I mentioned that I had a doctor’s appointment tomorrow and he asked if I wanted him to come with me. I told him that I didn’t even know why he would say such a thing as we both knew he would do no such thing. He was adamant that he would and insisted that I take down his phone number to call him if I didn’t feel like driving to work from my appointment. It’s worth noting that my appointment is 45 minutes from work.

Let the record reflect reasons 46 and 45 why I’m single.

**This concludes the Mr. Coffee series**