Open letter to creepy staring gym guy

Wow, creepy guy at the gym. Making occasional eye contact does not make you staring at me for 40 minutes less creepy. I just want to work out with my crazy hair and try not to feel bad trying to eke out my last set of 10 lady push-ups while meat heads lift toddler equivalent weights right next to me. You skulking around the gym just makes me want jump in the shower and then never leave my house again. Stop it. I don't want to see you checking me in the gym mirror again. That is not cool to open my eyes to. Seriously. Your weirdness tonight sealed the deal. I will never go out with you. Never. Please don't work up the nerve to talk to me. It will be awkward for us both because I am already trying to figure out how I would describe you to the police.