Obligatory retrospective

I spent this New Years Eve in the company of Baloo. It was so nice. I went to the laundromat, I started chipping away at the crap I need to throw away before this move, I rocked out to the iPod. I enjoyed myself. I kept the promise I made to myself last year to never willingly hang out with the same group of people I had spent my last 2 New Years eves with. Life is too short to hang out with people you have nothing in common with just to have a place to go or to have company. I considered venturing to my favorite neighborhood bar for a commemorative drink but as Yael Naim sings, "how can you stay outside, there's a beautiful mess inside?"

Though I predict there will several times in the coming year where it will feel like New Year's Day, where I will feel I am transitioning between something old and some new landscape of possibility, today is actually the first day of the year and thus, I shall take a look back.

Last year I finally got my pump on. After a debilitating back spasm that really scared me for its implications for a woman who will probably live the rest of her life alone, I got my chubby ass back in the gym. I continue to work with the trainer who I initially wanted to smother and I like her more than any other female I've met here, a surprise to both of us I think. She's grounded, smart, and relatable even though she's slim and blond with an ass that simply isn't fair. I'm the black girl, I should be packing like that but nope, I got boobs instead. I've noticed most women with one, don't have the other. Some don't have either but where there is ass, there is usually less chest and vice versa. Guess it keeps us humble.

I drew closer to my Soul Twin which has been lovely. The circumstances in her life that gave her the time and space for me to fill have been tragic but it has been wonderful to become even more woven into the fabric of eachother's lives. It is not unusual for us to talk several times a day with important updates on grocery shopping or car repair. I am grateful for her. I am grateful for all of my friends. I had the best long lunch date ever with another one of my girlfriends over Thanksgiving and it still makes me smile to think of it. I had several get togethers with our girlfriend trio (which includes Soul Twin) last year including a surprise visit that touched me deeply. I didn't get out to see my oldest friend last year and in fact did not get on an airplane at all last year. I feel bad about that. I feel when I do talk to her it's about the other women in my life and the things I have done or plan to do with them. Our relationship is in need of reconnection. With our lives diverging in focus and things in common, we need time together to remind ourselves why we are friends even though I consider her family. It was otherwise a banner year for bonding with the important women in my life including the always interesting Ashley.

No retrospective would be complete without an Ashley highlights reel; strangers in my bed, bongs found, pot confiscated, booty shorts, record breaking consumption of toilet paper, towels, and plates, juice (on my countertops and spilled on my rugs), destroyed air mattress x2, quotable quotes like "direct deposit doesn't mean dick", belching and farting, giggling and talking, her excellent cooking, our settling into a groove of sharing such a small space. She's a tornado of contradiction and I love her. Maybe I am making it up to convince myself it has been worth it but I do think she is better off for having come here. I think I am too. I certainly clean more than I did before and have a greater drive to create order in my life because she is so the yin to my yang.

Baloo was declared cancer-free. I have found new lumps but I am hesitant to put her through surgery again. That was really tough on her. She's almost 10 and she's spry and happy. I bought her an orthopedic bed for Christmas. My dad made fun of me.

With so many changes ahead this year I don't have goals, determinations, or resolutions in mind. My Philly bucket list is an abandoned notion-Philadelphia doesn't cease to exist after I leave. You can never go back but I can always visit. There is a freedom in knowing I will soon leave this place even as there is a wistfulness. I live more honestly. Opportunity is more terminal, there probably won't be a next time, at least not with this person in this place. At work I am looking at my projects and considering how to move them along or terminate them. New opportunities are being triaged or given to someone else. I am hoping the madness that gripped the last six months of the year at work subsides. Already I have trips planned in January so the madness will probably continue. I am certain I will be suffering the pollen of spring before I'm done complaining about the cold and dark of winter.

So there you have it, Ava's 2010 in review. 2011 is sure to have laughter, tears, surprises (not the least of which will be where I end up this fall), and my psychic metronome, Baloo. There will be walks, there will be poop, and there will be sidewalk chicken bones snatched from her mouth. Thank you especially Lodo, tamara, and Megan for reading, your comments, and your virtual friendship. It means a lot to have people who don't know me and thus have no pressure to patronize. :-) Happy New Year!