The God who wastes nothing aka He makes all things good

I've been making resignation gestures and just like the suicidal ones, they are a cry for help. I think of how much the way I work can be traced to how I coped with my father. I don't think it's a bad thing at all. So much of my achievement and personality was shaped by figuring out my own way to get along in what was a kind of oppressive environment. So much of the calm facade was tested and forged in not letting someone I loved shake me. And even more has come of recognizing that my parents were and remain people like me, with their own issues and crosses to bear. Wanting the best for me doesn't mean they have it to give. They can only give me their best. And they did. And I love them for it.

Lots of stuff to catch up on here so a Cliff's notes version follows:

Work

The center of my discontent here lies with a perceived lack of gratitude. And recognition. But mostly gratitude. Ava X has arrived. I am kind of a militant moody cow at work right now.

Men

Such is my current disposition that I actually replied to a guy who writes like people used to when you paid by character for text messages (e.g. lol wat u up 2) and has a profile picture holding two toddler-sized glasses of wine. Yea, I'm sure we would have tons to talk about.

Skittles

Oh. My. God. They have fizzled fruit Skittles now and *sigh*. My mouth waters when I think of them. They might be the most ridiculously useless food on the planet but I ration them out and turn the bag inside out to lick the stray pockets of fizz. It occurs to me even as I type this, that I may have crossed the line of 'how much is too much' to put out there about myself on the internet but they really are that good to me. I have a thing with fizzy. I used to eat Alka Seltzer tablets until I decided that medicine should not be a snack. I even got a box of Alka Seltzer as a Christmas present when I was in college. Next to me on the bedside table is seltzer water. Why don't I have a boyfriend? He could buy me Skittles and I would want to have his children.

Welcome to the gun show

My arms feel ripped right now. I'm pretty sure I will be sore.

New pajama pants

I want to wear them to work. I love them. It makes me happy to even see them crumpled up on my comforter.