The one you're with

WBB came by last night. Why I continue with this guy is beyond me. I'm annoyed before I see him and even more annoyed when he leaves. My guess is he knows how to chose a woman who usually stays committed to something long after she's determined she doesn't get what she wants or needs from it. Enter yours truly. I wish sometimes I didn't like men. He came over because I asked him if he was still on the dating site we met through. He refused to answer the question over the phone or e-mail because he didn't like having certain discussions over those mediums. When he got to the house, he was weird and combative and called my question bullshit but ultimately admitted he is still online. I honestly don't care one way or another. Nothing about our time together suggests forever, I just wanted to be sure we were on the same page. Funny thing though, he didn't want me to tell him what I was up to because he's a self-admited jealous person. He acknowledged it was hypocritical but it was just the way he was. Then he wanted to chill out and talk about nothing, the Denver Nuggets (wtf do I care about a basketball team), about our days, about my workout goals (he's a certified personal trainer who nevertheless drinks juice like it's going out of style). He talked about working out together but I wasn't sure if he wanted to spend more time with me or see if he could get a deal through me for the gym.

Awake long before dawn, I have been thinking about me and WBB and what it means to continue dating him. There is a part of me that wants to think of him as a swiss army knife, considering him only for his utility, ignoring what is annoying or potentially harmful about him. At my core, I think I like a challenge. There is a part of me that wants to break him down, get past his abrasiveness and get to the soft gooey center, if there is one. I am curious about his capacity to be considerate. I am curious why he talks to me when he doesn't seem to like me. I can't figure him out and the investigator in me wants to keep pulling that thread even though my common sense tells me this is unlikely to have a good surprise twist. I am cautious and wary because convention holds that this is the honeymoon, this is our best foot forward usually. If this is WBB's best foot forward, it is a deformed and twisted club foot with a touch of gangrene. And what he brings out in me isn't great either.

I've been considering the 'have fun' position, just hang out because it feels good to have someone want you enough to stand your company but just reading this sentence suggests that course of action is not good for the ol mental health or self esteem. What do I stand to gain by accepting someone who doesn't use please and thank you, who has no problem asking me for things or being dismissive of my feelings or questions? I don't want to get used to accepting less. I don't need (or want) a prince on a white horse but I do want someone who doesn't fight me when I ask them if they are seeing anyone else and IS curious about my dating/sexual history and just curious about me in general. I do want someone who is nice to me. Not in a syrupy saccharine way but in a genuine considerate way.

Ashley has been a bit of a punk in all this but I got a sense last night that she really doesn't like the way he talks to me. Asking me to put away his soda is not a big deal but he's always asking me to do little things that I just find strange. It's more the way he asks than the actual request. Like he wants me to serve him. I get a sense he doesn't really like me or doesn't really like women in general. He is arrogant/narcissistic for no apparent reason. If he were just a set of stats on a roster, he would be playing with the company coed team, not courting scouts and trying to figure out if he should go pro or take that scholarship. Maybe I'm waaaaay off but something isn't adding up. Maybe it's just the combination of me and him. Seems to be a when, not if situation. Stay tuned.