Kissing frogs. More and more I trust my discernment for recognizing the frogs. I don't think I need to kiss any more of them. When something is missing, something is missing.
I don't believe I can be just a sister to Ashley. I came home tonight to find her out after quickly crushing 2 hard apple ciders and extremely defensive about her whereabouts for the last few hours. She's an adult but I find I don't even want to around her bad decision theater. She went looking for sex drugs or both which is totally her choice and her business except she lives with me. When I came in tonight I sensed anger/hostility because I wanted the house for hanging out with a boy. And I had this flash like a single parent that this boy was displacing her and now she was going to act out. And like a mother, I know my intuition is correct and she did something shady. It's then I lament and think, I'm out significant sums of money and great inconvenience and it hasn't made a difference. She's just as adrift and immature as before. She's running her classic game on me and I am just one of the many people in her life helping her live a lie. I don't think I believe that people can be helped into helping themselves.
I don't think I believe there is an ever after out there for me. And today it's a little sad and also completely fine.
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