Hatin on a G

There's a great piece of poetry by the rapper T.I. in his single You Don't Know Me;

Contrary to your belief, I'm as a real as can be,
Fuck your thoughts and your feelings * you don't know me.

I just like that song. No particular reason to bring it up other than I just discovered it and by discovered I mean my Dad told me about it. My Dad is into trip hop too. I don't even know what that is but my brother does and it kind of messed with his head a little to see it in my Dad's play list. That man loves him some music. I love that about him. He doesn't care if it's Sinatra or whatever trip hop is, if it speaks to him on some level, he likes it.

I just got an e-mail on the dating website I insist on being on so I can maintain a baseline depression. He sent me a picture of a puppy and the following:

Hello, you are really friendly--and---cute!
Would you consider an interracial?

I responded:

Thanks for the gift (the puppy picture). A puppy picture-you really can't go wrong with baby animals. So you're an interacial, eh? As soon as I know what races those are, I can make a final determination as to whether I do your particular mix. That's only because I'm insanely racist against certain Caucasian heritages and really fond of others. Sorry, sometimes I
can't help myself.

I am open to dating anyone I get along with.

Ava
--
I keep seeing guys only three years older than me and forgetting we're only three years apart. I'm getting old. 39 is not too old for me. When did that happen? My gray hair is making an increasingly visible march through my hair and while it's still a bit of a novelty, I'm starting to think it ages me a bit. It's one thing to wonder if something is going to last forever and quite another to wonder if you'll ever have something at all. I keep wondering if I should stop being so hard on myself and get my hook up on because I'm simply not a relationship person or keep waiting for nothing to happen while I nurse impossible crushes on the worlds least available men (to me). I have no reason at all to think I will ever be a different kind of girl. I'm just not the girl who always has a guy, I'm the girl who never has a guy and who I'll bet had her girlfriends wondering at one time or another if maybe I wasn't into guys (not that there's anything wrong with that). I wish I was that girl but that girl can no better survive without a guy than I can manage to have a guy of any sort interested in being with me for any reason. And no, I am NOT counting bus drivers, security guards, or street sweepers. If my girlfriends dated those guys, I would but they don't so I won't.

Arg