It's that time again

It's that still time between big things when I have just enough time to be wistful and sad. I'm not proud of this and can probably rationalize it but I think I fall in love with someone I work with everywhere I go. They can be a boy or a girl but it's that one person that makes leaving so hard. I've worked in small organizations my entire adult life and have never worked with anyone twice so as much as I hope to work with my boss again, I'll be lucky to grab a drink with him or catch him by chance in the hallway and that makes me sad. When I left for Philly, it was time. And leaving Philly, it's time for that too. Even if I stayed my boss would be gone and he's the best part of coming to work.

So I'm doing that thing. That thing that fills the quiet with noise. When it's quiet I'm sad or I worry. I think about increasingly awkward ways to be a total fan boy to my boss; the heartfelt letter, the ridiculously inappropriate expensive gift. Arg how I hate change and losing things. How I hate breaking new people in, feeling them out, treading lightly. How I hate finding where to shop, where not to shop. But I keep choosing it because I hate being bored more. Because I know there's a small town girl in me that would be content to stay and never even know what the people do three towns over. That hates seeing the same thing over and over again. That feels relieved and blessed that I sold my home and no longer have a place I have to come back to. I love feeling unattached. I feel both claustrophobic and nostalgic when I go anywhere I've already been even though a part of me really hates going somewhere new. Mostly because of the people. So it's that time again.

Boo-hoo. Sniff-sniff.

I hope you new people are awesome.