Sometimes I wonder

Every family has their dynamic and likely to outsiders it seems strange or dysfunctional but in our family, I think I've always kind of been one of the grownups. When my father was away in training, I balanced the checkbook and reconciled the books with him. When I was in college, I arranged my classes to pick up my sister from school. When I left home I sent for her during summer vacation, paid for her summer camp. I've slept on the floor next to my sister's bed while she was sick so I could catch her vomit in a bucket and my Mom could get a full night's sleep; now I'm holding a bucket to my mother's mouth so she can spit her phlegm. I have told my sister repeatedly she is the reason I won't have kids but perhaps I've had my kids. Perhaps I've done it all already or at least my version. Sometimes I wonder if this role of being a third parent and helper to my dad is supposed to be preparing me for something or if it is the substitute for the family I'll never create.